Lost Leadership

Recently, my thoughts have been permeated with the art of leadership. Ever since I can remember I have been surrounded by natural leaders; people that instilled in others a sense of pride in doing for one's self while considering the needs and/or results of a higher purpose or goal. The leaders in my life range from a number of hardened and crusty military made men to the independent and constant women that stood as equals by their partners. Quite the dichotomy.
Naturally, I have spent a good deal of my life interested in the development of women as leaders. I was a girl scout for longer than, at times, I care to admit. I am a graduate, counselor, and past program developer for the Virginia Beach Public Schools Leadership Program. I devoted a number of my elective courses at college to women's studies and social feminist theory. I was a member of the Washington D.C. Women's Council for Equal Advancement. I come from a line of women 4 generations strong where the first child born of the family was a female. Basically, I felt like I had a good foundation from which to build leadership skills in my own family, that is, until I gave birth to two boys.
I now realize that I face leadership with a slightly different perspective. The goal is the same but the path that leads us there is quite different. More times than I care to admit, I find that I am not a natural leader of boys. My husband continues to prove himself as an invaluable resource, but I still find myself scratching my head on the reasoning and tactics that he employs. I also find myself acknowledging some of the injustices and prejudices that men face in our present day society. (I think my old college professor Dr. Kirkpatrick would probably faint if she knew I admitted to that today...and she may privately smile at her small success in my, finally, balanced perspective.) In my interest to gather important knowledge on the opposite sex I have recently come into a few incredible books that any mother of a boy should have in their library:

Legacy of Honor by Alvin Townley
The Dangerous Book for Boys by Conn and Hal Iggulden
Raising Boys by Steve Biddulp


Go to the people. Learn from them. Live with them. Start with what they know. Build with what they have. The best of leaders when the job is done, when the task is accomplished, the people will say we have done it ourselves.- Lao Tzu

Tie Dye Tourniquet

Every week at my son's pre-school they highlight a particular color. This week it is purple. Purple is a great color, but not one that frequents the boy's clothing departments. You see, on Wednesday of each week the teacher asks that the children wear the color of the week to school.
I explained to Cole this morning that he does not have a purple shirt, but he does have a few shirts that have purple somewhere in the shirt: the wheel of a car, the nose of a dog, a simple yet subtle stripe. All of these suggestions were a complete 'no go' with Cole.
"I have to have a purple shirt mommy, it's the rule!" bellows Cole.
"I think that it is more of a guideline, not a rule. Let's be flexible and creative as we try and solve this problem.", I reply.
"No. Purple shirt or no shirt.", retorts the clever Cole.
So, I spent the morning purchasing a white tee and a purple tie dye fabric kit. I decided that this would be a great way to fulfill the 'rules' and have a little craft project fun on the side.
This little kit was so cute. It came with gloves, dye, and all kinds of various sizes of rubber bands. We had a wonderful time with the project from wrapping the rubber bands all over the shirt to squirting the dye up and down the shirt.
However, tie dying is very messy. So, upon the completion of the project I set out to tidy up immediately. I took the shirt to set up in the laundry room and left the remainder of the mess out in the breakfast area.
I swear it was only 2 minutes that I was gone. I swear I am a mom that usually pays attention to all sundry items that are left within reach of my children...but, today I totally screwed up.
Cole came running to the laundry room screaming. I turned to see what the new calamity could be only to find my son outstretching his perfect little arms to sky. These outstretched arms were alarmingly purple from the elbows down to the wrists...this was because Cole had taken the remaining rubber bands (all 55 million of them) and shoved them on both arms at the same point directly past the elbows.
I almost fainted.
Mommy adrenaline kicked in and we proceeded to quickly and efficiently remove all the rubber bands.
Now, I am trying to develop an age appropriate lesson plan on circulation and blood flow.

Resolutions

I started this year out with a definite plan to do more for myself. I am not denying the importance of selfless giving in my plan, but I am hoping to establish a firmer grip on my own self-identity.

As September rolls around, I realize that I have not done too much to help move forward in this self-acutalization process. I seem to let the normal worries of life immobilize me into inactivity and a bit of self-pity.

I will not be a slave to my own weaknesses. I will live the life I have been given.

I Need To:

*Paint again - truly paint. for myself and no one else. not for aesthetics, for inner peace
*Let my children be who they are- i am here to guide, not mold
*Write, write and write some more - life is too short not to record the beautiful words of our soul
*Go see "A Prarie Home Companion" live - i have been saying it for years, do it!
*Sit outside and watch the stars - take the important and poingant memories from my own childhood and pass them on.
*Oral tradition is not lost - tell stories, lots of them...to my children and anyone willing to listen, so that they too will remember
* Kill our television - this will be hard as college football season has started
* Fall asleep holding hands with my husband more often if not all the time

So, I am off to the store to buy a canvas and some paint. I think I will be able to find my old brushes somewhere in my menagerie of crap (as my dad so lovingly puts it).

Live your life. No one can do it for you.

I am officially a Soccer Mom...