Learning Emotions

One of the challenges Cole faces is recognizing and interpreting body language and emotions. I found this difficult to understand in the beginning as Cole MOST CERTAINLY emotes although sometimes not at the appropriate level for a given situation. This continues to be a challenge for me to discover if the emotional learning curve is due to his age and sex or Aspergers.

Right now we are working through a number of interventions that help give Cole the specific definition and facial nuances that go with different emotions; frustration means the following and is usually accompanied by furrowed brows and a down turned mouth, etc.. It is SO hard for me to break this down for him as I have a hard time thinking this way when it comes to emotions. Emoting comes as naturally to me as breathing, and I don't consider my existence important if I don't try to tune into the emotions and needs of those around me. It is extremely weird to turn feelings into a science lesson.

Recently, I was a little down in the mouth and Cole turned to me to say, "Mom, are you sad right now?". (These type of questions pop up a lot with Cole...because he just isn't sure...sometimes I have to give him a number on a scale to let him know where I am with certain emotional states).

"Yes Cole. Mommy is a little bit sad," I replied half-heartedly because I know how difficult and uncomfortable it can be for him to work through other peoples' emotions.

"May I be excused from the table?" he asked.

"Yes, sweetie." I answered. As he left the table, I started to tear up as I expected to get little empathy and understanding from him, but it still is difficult for me to accept. Cole loves me,and loves to cuddle, and hear that he is loved, but is worried to the point of avoidance when dealing with others emotions appropriately. I sat at the table feeling very alone and bereft.

Cole came back downstairs with two pieces of paper in his hand. He put them both in front of me. "Mommy, I made you a card to feel better. This one says "I love Mommy", and this one is a picture of my Daddy because I know you miss him. I miss him and it makes me sad", he very matter of factly explained.

I started sobbing. He gave me a hug and started patting my back to tell me it would be okay. He started to cry a little, so I pushed him back and looked into his big cow eyes...and we shared a "forever" type of moment.

It was so important for me to know that we have be doing a good job, since the beginning, teaching Cole to interpret his and others emotion; validating that I am not a horrible mother. My little boy loves with all his heart. He understands more than I sometimes give him credit for. He approaches emotional situations in a more adult-like and logical fashion than I am capable of...and sometimes I am the student.