Recently, my thoughts have been permeated with the art of leadership. Ever since I can remember I have been surrounded by natural leaders; people that instilled in others a sense of pride in doing for one's self while considering the needs and/or results of a higher purpose or goal. The leaders in my life range from a number of hardened and crusty military made men to the independent and constant women that stood as equals by their partners. Quite the dichotomy.
Naturally, I have spent a good deal of my life interested in the development of women as leaders. I was a girl scout for longer than, at times, I care to admit. I am a graduate, counselor, and past program developer for the Virginia Beach Public Schools Leadership Program. I devoted a number of my elective courses at college to women's studies and social feminist theory. I was a member of the Washington D.C. Women's Council for Equal Advancement. I come from a line of women 4 generations strong where the first child born of the family was a female. Basically, I felt like I had a good foundation from which to build leadership skills in my own family, that is, until I gave birth to two boys.
I now realize that I face leadership with a slightly different perspective. The goal is the same but the path that leads us there is quite different. More times than I care to admit, I find that I am not a natural leader of boys. My husband continues to prove himself as an invaluable resource, but I still find myself scratching my head on the reasoning and tactics that he employs. I also find myself acknowledging some of the injustices and prejudices that men face in our present day society. (I think my old college professor Dr. Kirkpatrick would probably faint if she knew I admitted to that today...and she may privately smile at her small success in my, finally, balanced perspective.) In my interest to gather important knowledge on the opposite sex I have recently come into a few incredible books that any mother of a boy should have in their library:
Legacy of Honor by Alvin Townley
The Dangerous Book for Boys by Conn and Hal Iggulden
Raising Boys by Steve Biddulp
Go to the people. Learn from them. Live with them. Start with what they know. Build with what they have. The best of leaders when the job is done, when the task is accomplished, the people will say we have done it ourselves.- Lao Tzu
3 comments:
I think you concern yourself with leadership development of your two boys way too much. Your background would indicate that you are well grounded in leadership principals and traits. With that said, your ability to guide your children has been engrained in your approach, whether you beleive it or not. The parents teaching of the most important traits such as dignity, compassion, love, moral courage, moral strength and a deep sense of "right" and "wrong".
If you accomplish these things, leadership in you children will develop based on their personalities and those teachings you have provided and how well they adhere to them as they grow. Leadership is not inherent. Leadership is a learned trait and is based on many factors, such as experience, making honest mistakes, learning from those mistakes and none of which are worth much without the guidance and learning provided under parental tutelage. Leaders come in many sizes and shapes. Some are quiet, compassionate, teaching-guiding leaders. Others are demostrative, aggressive, "lead-follow-or get the hell out of the way" leaders. None are wrong, but all are not necessarily suited to all personalties. Let you boys grow. You provide them the tangibles that you can control: love, compasion, understanding; teach right from wrong; teach moral courage and strength. Your son's will develop their own leadership style fom those attributes. Trust me I have observed many leaders and the disparate personalities that come with them. You teach; let them pick the style. There is no right or wrong style of leadership. Just styles that allow the best portrayal given the situation. It sounds as if you have your head on straight. Continue to teach, but do not frett over this leadership thing. It will come in time, if you do your part. If you would like. I can monitor your progress and would be happy to comment further should you so desire.
good-day,
Down Under
Down Under- I agree completely agree that I concern myself way too much with the end result rather than the building blocks. I probably didn't state some of my feelings accurately when I focused on just "leadership". I think you are spot on in your list of the important traits to concentrate on as a parent.
Quite honestly, I just question myself in it all. I want to give everything I can to help my sons grow into happy, compassionate, adaptable and productive members of society. I have to come to grips with the fact that I will make mistakes and in admitting that I will be teaching my children an important lesson in many of those things I long for them to understand.
I only want them to become leaders for themselves...to be able to direct thier own life. I just feel at a loss in understanding how these little peoples' minds work. I want to be a quide not a sculptor, but I am slowly admitting that the hardest job I have ever had is tracking the right path for the moment; taking that teachable moment and making it memorable.
I would so appreciate your continued monitoring and only hope you will find other posts you feel compelled to comment upon. Thank you!
I read this post earlier this week and it has been on my mind since. I will have to check out the books you mentioned.Parenting is by far the most intense, most humbling, and most challenging experience of my life. And I have to agree with your perspective on mothering and leading sons. It puzzles me,too. I also watch in awe as my husband can explain, guide, and inspire Noah to do things in a way that never occurred to me. Prior to having children, I pledged to raise them in a gender neutral way. But now as a parent, I realize this is unrealistic. Gender differences exist. It is a part of each of us and has an impact on our development and our relationships. Growing up with sisters, seven aunts, lots of girl cousins, and attending single-sex schools for nearly ten years, there are times with my son when I feel as if I am an anthropologist observing another culture. Intriqued by the differences, seeking out similarities, observing, and trying to make sense of it all in a larger context. It is quite an adventure!
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