Today we attended a birthday party for one of my eldest son's pre-school classmates. This birthday was not just any ole' kids birthday party with some balloon animals and a store bought cake. It was a premiere social event.
The adults that attended this party outnumbered the kids by 2 to 1. Yes, some of you would say this is how all childrens birthday parties should be; adults should outnumber the kids...but, I disagree. Gone are the days when a child calls over the nieghborhood kids for some cake and ice cream. Birthdays today include coordinaters, fun time counselors, and enough rides and activities to put some of the best known theme parks to shame. I could and probably will devote an entire blog entry to the lavishness of birthday parties nowadays, but today I am focused on the antics of my four year old at the said birthday party.
First off, let me state the following: Yes, I love my child. I love him with my whole heart. I want the best for him. I understand that he is only four, and that his actions don't always speak of my love and/or my parenting skills, but, man, that child can try my patience.
The birthday party was for a boy from my son's class with whom my son has had problems with in the past. I am, of course, speaking of four year old problems like bossing each other around, purposely picking on each other, and generally making the teachers' life a living hell at preschool. Have I mentioned that my son is also a bit of a drama whiz. He can take a regular situation and make it into an Oscar worthy performance.
Anyway, this boy is fairly new to the class and immediately took to my son. From what the teachers have told me, he followed my son everywhere and was always seeking my son's attention and personal space. This apparently annoyed the piss out of my kid who is particular about his own space and does not like to be told what to do by any other kids (unless they are obviously older and then he will fold up like a cheap tent for thier approval).
I have tried everything I can think of to ease this situation. I have set up one on one playdates with this other child to see if we could help work through thier differences. I have read books to my son, until I am dry-mouthed, about the importance of being kind. I have tried to model good friendship skills as an adult.
I digress. Today upon leaving the party, my son refused to tell the child "good-bye" and "thank you". My son had the time of his life and he has pretty good manners, so I could not figure out what the heck the problem was. I quickly made my apologies and extended my own thanks and then whisked my family to the car. I proceeded to tell my son that his behavior was rude and unacceptable, that he needed to think about why he chose to behave this way, and how he could correct the problem. I was particularly proud of how I summed up the issues, and expected an epiphany from my four year old. (Even as I type, I know that I am insane.) All of this, and my son tells me with as much innocence as he can muster up, "Mommy, it's because I just don't like him".
I know now that I can't make him like this other kid, and this was probably my first mistake with the situation. I am now working on explaining to my son, that even if you do not like another child you must not be rude and unkind....especially after attending a birthday party that, I am sure, rivaled the per head cost of my own wedding. And, for that matter, why the hell did we go to this party?
I know, they are four. I expect too much. This is all normal. Nothing to get my knickers in a wad over. Right?
The adults that attended this party outnumbered the kids by 2 to 1. Yes, some of you would say this is how all childrens birthday parties should be; adults should outnumber the kids...but, I disagree. Gone are the days when a child calls over the nieghborhood kids for some cake and ice cream. Birthdays today include coordinaters, fun time counselors, and enough rides and activities to put some of the best known theme parks to shame. I could and probably will devote an entire blog entry to the lavishness of birthday parties nowadays, but today I am focused on the antics of my four year old at the said birthday party.
First off, let me state the following: Yes, I love my child. I love him with my whole heart. I want the best for him. I understand that he is only four, and that his actions don't always speak of my love and/or my parenting skills, but, man, that child can try my patience.
The birthday party was for a boy from my son's class with whom my son has had problems with in the past. I am, of course, speaking of four year old problems like bossing each other around, purposely picking on each other, and generally making the teachers' life a living hell at preschool. Have I mentioned that my son is also a bit of a drama whiz. He can take a regular situation and make it into an Oscar worthy performance.
Anyway, this boy is fairly new to the class and immediately took to my son. From what the teachers have told me, he followed my son everywhere and was always seeking my son's attention and personal space. This apparently annoyed the piss out of my kid who is particular about his own space and does not like to be told what to do by any other kids (unless they are obviously older and then he will fold up like a cheap tent for thier approval).
I have tried everything I can think of to ease this situation. I have set up one on one playdates with this other child to see if we could help work through thier differences. I have read books to my son, until I am dry-mouthed, about the importance of being kind. I have tried to model good friendship skills as an adult.
I digress. Today upon leaving the party, my son refused to tell the child "good-bye" and "thank you". My son had the time of his life and he has pretty good manners, so I could not figure out what the heck the problem was. I quickly made my apologies and extended my own thanks and then whisked my family to the car. I proceeded to tell my son that his behavior was rude and unacceptable, that he needed to think about why he chose to behave this way, and how he could correct the problem. I was particularly proud of how I summed up the issues, and expected an epiphany from my four year old. (Even as I type, I know that I am insane.) All of this, and my son tells me with as much innocence as he can muster up, "Mommy, it's because I just don't like him".
I know now that I can't make him like this other kid, and this was probably my first mistake with the situation. I am now working on explaining to my son, that even if you do not like another child you must not be rude and unkind....especially after attending a birthday party that, I am sure, rivaled the per head cost of my own wedding. And, for that matter, why the hell did we go to this party?
I know, they are four. I expect too much. This is all normal. Nothing to get my knickers in a wad over. Right?
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