I Don't Like You

Is this really okay? I mean is it really okay to finally admit to yourself that there is someone that you just don't like: stop the trying, don't make any more allowances, stop criticizing yourself that it may be because you are less of a person. I don't mean the random person that you come across or that you may know from a brief encounter. I am talking about the person with whom you have a relationship; an acquaintance you may have sought out or one that has been thrust upon you for various reasons.

My best friend, Megs, and my husband have collectively been telling me that I should do this more often and likely move on with a happier life. I know that I would probably feel liberated and like a whole new person. I know it would make their lives a great deal easier as it is a reoccurring theme throughout my own.

I would not consider myself a lemming. I am pretty certain that compared to my peers there are a number of areas where my views and opinions are considered pretty 'unconventional' and not 'popular'...this doesn't seem to bother me...even when I worry about acceptance and rejection (two themes that seem to be pervasive amongst us women). So, I am proud to say that I at least stand behind my convictions (even when I am not as vocal as maybe I should be about them in certain situations). However, I realize that my 'like' of someone else is inevitably intertwined in how they feel about me...is it because I truly believe that you should try not to judge another human being. Everyone has a story and until you have heard it from beginning to end you should give everyone a chance. I believe in tolerance. Total Tolerance: different religious beliefs, different political beliefs, different life choices. If you are a 'good person', if you are a peaceful person, if you yourself can refrain from outwardly and maliciously judging me and mine for my choices then we should be able to live side by side as 'friends'. I wish this was true and for the most part (and on a less cynical day)... I think it is...we are naturally drawn to people with views like our own. We try and surround ourselves, for the long haul, with those people that accept you for your quirks and you for theirs...but, when you move as much as we do you see and meet many new faces. More than not, these new faces are not exactly like mine. Hmmm, Go figure in a world of a billion gagillion people.
All of these people have been sent into my life for a reason...I just hope I am getting it: (a) is the lesson to silently linger in my doubts about why I am putting up with some one's shenanigans only to continue to try and truly put myself out there as a friend...to continue to try even when it makes me doubt myself...or silently rage (because I don't want to hurt their feeling even though they seemingly are less than concerned with mine)(b) or just move on and feel like I gave up. It is so complicated.

On a slightly depressing note, my mother assures me that this is a predicament that haunts even the most mature and experienced of female relationships as witnessed in her own volunteer groups(let me remind you volunteer..so supposedly gathering to do something for the betterment of others...ahem...).

I am pretty sure that men don't face these same issues. I am exceedingly proud to be a woman, but we really could take some cues from the other gender. Why can't I learn from the boys??? Because first, we all as women have to acknowledge that we could make it easier on each other.