Epiphanies: Part One

I love this word. I am not ashamed to admit I have them all the time. As I age, I realize I don't know anything, and if I am receptive every day holds a possible learning experience.

I am not sure how to start or phrase what I really want to say about my weekend. I will try very hard to maintain some readability in this entry, but I am sure that it will develop into a stream of consciousness type of recounting of the weekend.

Firstly, Trey had a 96 hour liberty awarded to him for receiving an excellent score on his Physical Readiness Test. He was off this past Friday through Monday which is practically unheard of around these parts. It was a weekend where we had nothing planned, so we were able to truly relax and enjoy the bright spring weather.

Leading up to this leave time, I was quite skeptical about the effort put into achieving the leave versus the end reward. I really had to bite my lip each time Trey would come home from a 13 hour work day only to walk right back out the door with his running shoes on ready to hit the pavement. I resented I was doing bath time by myself again so he could go out and improve his cardiac health. I pouted, I hen pecked, and I basically was just plain pissy (as my dad loves to call it). Trey pushed through my moodiness, and ,what I am trying to say is...I am quite glad there are times when my husband knows I am being irrationally ridiculous because our whole family benefited from the weekend together.

We all gained new perspectives from one another, and we all found some time to re-connect. Thank you Trey for making that time happen.

So, Friday was our 10th wedding anniversary. The babysitter arrived at 6pm and we headed out to Biscotti's, one of our absolute all time favorite restaurants. Delicious food, a private but fun atmosphere, and incredible desserts have called us back to this eatery time and time again. As we headed down the road at an incredible speed because our gas foot seems to know that the faster we go the more time we have alone, Trey identified an unfamiliar noise coming from the right front wheel well of his Dad's generously loaned/semi-leased sports car. Needless to say, any noise coming from this car sets Trey into a tail spin.

He was immediately preoccupied with "the noise", a noise I couldn't hear, and one from which I could not divert his attention. I started to become seriously annoyed. I couldn't believe this was how the evening was starting out. My lips turned into a thin line, my eyebrows arched clear up to my hairline, and I crossed my arms with major "pissiness" across my body.

He finally pulled over to a doctor's office close to our home explaining that he needed to check out the engine and make sure that everything was copacetic. He parked and calmly got out of the car. He walked around to my side, opened the door, and got down on one knee. I said in my most haughty of voices, "Trey, the engine is in the back of the car! What are you doing...??". He just smiled while I continued to be a first class know-it-all. "Don't you think I am making a valid point? You are in the wrong place!", I reiterated.

Only then did I notice the box.

He opened it, and in it nestled in velvet was the most beautiful and most perfect re-engagement ring. He had it crafted to duplicate a ring we had seen years before. A type of ring that looks like it should belong on a different person's finger. A ring I can never deserve. I was speechless.

I burst into tears as he asked me if I would marry him again. I cried and cried, not only because he had recaptured his original proposal to me 12 years ago so well (on the side of the road at a random spot because he was too excited to wait until he got somewhere significant), but because I was so ashamed of my behavior.

It epitomized my issues around control and my inability to live in the moment without any expectations. I need to let go. No one benefits from the tight leash I keep on everything. Appreciate the little things as they happen and not after the fact. It is fine if everything else seems to be less than perfect. It actually may be fun.

Epiphany #1 of the weekend....I need to tone down the bitchiness.
Epiphany #2 of the weekend...Trey has a song for every moment. At the time he proposed, the car CD player was blaring Pink Floyd's "Shine on you Crazy Diamond". Crazy is right.